Isabelle had updated her diary. When I stepped home today I was in a great mood. I had spent that day with Sherlyn and Xiu Feng. Xiu Feng stayed a short while only. We were completing our homework at BK. So many things happened. I wanted to share here. But when I read Isabelle's diary I didnt feel like laughing or smiling. When I read those about Joshua I felt goosebumps crawling up my arms. I felt my eyes grow hot with tears. Soon I was covering my mouth, as if too scared to utter a sound when I was crying. My sister wasn't in the room, so I was grateful for that. I was jamming my hand so close to my mouth that it hurt. I asked myself, why is the past about Joshua affecting me so much? I had a perfect reason to hate him. But here I am pinning for him. There's something wrong with me. Many girls hate the guys who break their hearts and shun them. But why does the past affect me so badly.

I never should have said I thought Joshua was cute. Then I would probably be spared this pain I'm feeling now. Joshua changed. After all that happened. he changed alot. Why couldnt we have been friends first? If so, we'd probably be talking now as normal friends. And not like there's always tension between us. I'd like to be normal friends with him, but I dont think that's possible. There will always be something that prevents me from talking to him like how I talk to Isabelle. Or Alson. The first part of the friendship was so sweet. We were talking and laughing and you know, feeling shy and embarrassing each other. I loved every minute of that 2 weeks. Well, except for the awkwardness. That I dont fancy. I gotta stop talking about this. I dont want to punctuate this day. I had fun. But now its spoilt by a few memories. I gotta start laughing. I should start laughing like I did today, when Sherlyn joked. I have to learn to push horrid memories to the back of my mind.

I gotta forget him. For good.